But I'm afraid of the dark...

We are standing here at a fork in the road.  One path is clear and bright.  It is a familiar path- just like the path before the fork.  The other path is only lit a few feet before it is obscured by darkness.  It's obstacles are hidden, unknown.  We have to choose the path for us.  We can't stand at the fork forever....

In case you haven't heard, at the end of the week my dear hubby will be changing jobs.  I have very mixed emotions about this change.  Not only is he changing jobs but he will also be changing career paths by stepping into full-time ministry.

I must admit that I am a bit scared.  This part of our lives, our income and vocation, is something that was easy to see.  He would work for the bank and would receive a small raise and an occasional promotion until he was old enough to retire.  We would live in one place, raise our children, and grow old together just as we had planned. But now God has asked more of us, and our path is hidden from view - somewhere out there in the dark. We have signed on to serve God vocationally and that may lead us places that we never thought we would go. It may mean less income for our growing family or moving one day to follow God's calling in our lives.  For the first time in our lives together our future is unseen.

When Scott first considered going into full time ministry, there were many things that appealed to me about this change.  He would have more time at home than before, since he has had a full time job and a part time job for the past five years.  He would have more flexibility in his daily schedule, like coming home for lunch occasionally.  He would be able to do all his church work at the office and not have to work at home (something our little ones didn't understand).  And when I think about the sacrifices that this change may require, none of them really got to me.  I was okay with less money and benefits.  I was fine with being "on call" as a staff member of the church.  I was okay with the added responsibilities that may be placed on him and me.  The only thing that scared me was the "unseen" aspect of our future - the darkness on the path ahead of us.  The part that God has chosen to keep hidden from us until the appropriate time.

My fear is because I like to have control.  I like to know what's next.  I like security and safety.  But God is slowly removing all the things in my life that are unattractive - and this need for control is next on the list.

So.... Scott has chosen our path.  It's the one that leads into the darkness - the unknown and unpredictable.  It's the one that scares me. I will surrender my fear and place my trust in God's promise that His way is better than ours. And, I will take Scott's hand and walk with him into this place where God has called him.